fuck this. fuck this knee. fuck this defeatist attitude of mine. fuck fuck fuck.

i'm sitting in my room, once again icing my knee. why? OH I DUNNO, guess i believe it was because of my over-enthusiasm, my impatience, my wishing to believe that i'm perfectly healthy and fit. well HOO-RAH to me. i'm back to fucking square one.

my knee hurts. again. i couldn't even climb the bloody stairs. i swear i was fine (apparently i can't even tell whether my body's functionable again). i'm so bloody pissed at myself. at my defiance and wilful disobedience. i was told to rest for two weeks. without sports AT ALL. i only rested for one and half, and swam and aggravated my knee. i deserve it don't i? the blame falls on no one but myself, which makes the digust and loathing all the more pronounced. FUCK.

i really wanna get well. i really wanna play soccer. i really wanna improve. yes i know, to do that i gotta get back to being healthy first. damn. not being able to exercise for 2 weeks definitely sucks. It'll be really hard to control myself because i have an uncontrollable propensity to exercise. it's in my blood. ROAR.

fuck. it's gonna be tough. but hey, one's gotta sacrifice to get places.

it better be worth the sacrifices.